WeightLossthoughts.com - A Weight Loss Blog

I feel so virtuous, so pure, so…so much like a damn rabbit.

I had a salad for dinner. My body, which is used to something more substantial like steak and potatoes, hasn’t quite forgiven me for the change yet, but I think I could get into this salad thing. First, lettuce, celery, carrots, and their cousins are all low cal, a good thing if you’re trying to get the weight off.

Second, they take a little while to eat. Think about it. I can scarf a steak down in under five minutes, but chewing all those individual little lettuce leaves took work…and time. By the time I finished the last bite, my body was sending me signals that it had had enough to eat, thank you.

Third, even a kitchen moron like me can make a salad. Throw a handful of lettuce into a bowl. Add a few refinements like like carrots, peas, celery, walnuts, raisins, or peppers. Perhaps an itsy, bitsy handful of grated cheese or sliced meat. A dash of your favorite salad dressing–but only a dash, you don’t want to give the thing more calories than a Big Mac–and serve.

There. I’ve done it once. Now I just need to keep doing it. My goal for the week is to eat a salad in place of one of my usual meals every day this week. My nose is twitching in anticipation already.

I’m not a numbers person, but today, floored by a migraine headache and bored silly because I couldn’t read, I decided to do some playing around with my calculator. My goal is to lose 150 pounds in two years. That comes out to 6.25 pounds per month, or about 1.6 pounds per week, give or take. In order to do that, I’ll have to find some way to cut 800 calories per day from my diet. Ouch.

Well, not that much of an “ouch” really, since I’m already eating far too many calories than are good for me.

I usually skip breakfast and eat fast food (MacDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s) for lunch and semi-fast (KFC, Boston Market) for dinner. Does anybody see a few places here where I could probably cut calories

Obviously, my first step is going to have to be starting to home cook more meals to get control over the calories. Problem: I’m not a good cook. You hear people joke about how they can’t boil an egg? The last time I tried to boil an egg, the water evaporated and the egg ended up hard as cement. Also, on my current salary I don’t see gourmet baking lessons in my future, so perhaps I’ll compromise and buy microwave dinners from Weight Watchers, Healthy Choice, etc. As for lunch, I can take a salad or a nutritional bar to work. Maybe a salad and a nutritional bar since the experts say it’s good to eat small meals throughout the day.

Breakfast…I suppose I shouldn’t skip it. At least, all the diet books say you shouldn’t. Maybe a can of Glucerna weight loss shake or a bowl of cereal.

Well, my migraine isn’t any better, but I’m feeling less panicked about this whole idea of dieting. I’ll have to make some definite changes, but the numbers aren’t too terrifying. I can do this. I can.

I’ve always had a bad relationship with food. I was a chunky kid until I stopped eating completely the year I turned twelve and dropped weight at a speed that alarmed my parents and the the family doctor. The weight stayed off through my high school and college years, and then started to creep back on. Again I went on a starvation diet and lost nearly forty pounds, and again it stayed off for a few years, then I gained it back. The last several years of my life have been cycles of starvation and binge eating, ending up where I am now at nearly three hundred pounds.

But how did I get this way? There are several factors.

Medication. I have bipolar disorder and take Zyprexa as a mood stabilizer. Unfortunately, the most common side effect of Zyprexa is weight gain. Going off the medication isn’t an option (I’ve tried, it wasn’t pretty), so I’ll just have to work with that strike against me.

Lack of Knowledge. When I wanted to diet in the past, I never worried about establishing and maintaining a healthy diet. I just dropped my calorie intake to about 800 calories per day (way too little to sustain basic health). If I got all 800 of those calories from, say, a piece of cake or a Dairy Queen blizzard, so be it. Part of my challenge this time around will be learning how to develop and stick to a healthy nutritional program that I can follow through the rest of my life.

Eating for Comfort. Boy, this is a big one. When I’m upset or stressed out, the first thing I want to do is stuff my face. Even if I’ve just eaten. Even if I’m not really hungry. Over the days and weeks ahead, I’ll have to come up with some other ways to ease stress and pamper myself.

Eating from Habit. It’s morning. Time to eat. It’s lunch. Time to eat. I’m home from work. You guessed it. Time to eat. I’ve lost touch with whether or not I’m hungry or what my nutritional needs actually are. I’ve probably messed up my body’s internal monitors by years of starving and bingeing, but for my weight loss to be successful, I know I’ll have to find some way to connect with whether or not I’m really hungry or just eating because “it’s time to eat.”

Eating Because I Love Food. There is nothing I like more than going out for a fine dinner. I savor the dinner rolls, the appetizer, the main course, the dessert. At these times, eating less or choosing low calorie options don’t feel like good choices for me. I still want to be able to enjoy my large dinners out sometimes. But the key word is sometimes, not every week and certainly not every day.

So, these are some of the challenges I will have to overcome as I embark on my new lifestyle of healthier eating.

More later!